We've all been there: feeling down, struggling with a challenge, or expressing our frustrations, only to be met with the well-intentioned, yet infuriating advice to “just be more positive.”
This “positivity push” can feel invalidating, as if we were expected to easily shake off painful events in life. The pressure to be positive at all costs has become known in popular culture and social media as “toxic positivity.”
Some mistakenly think that positive psychology encourages this pressure, as if concentrating our efforts on human flourishing means ignoring or minimizing the potential value of negative experiences.
As Martin Seligman and others have clarified, the field of positive psychology does not seek to eliminate the negative. Rather, it advocates for striking a better balance between focusing on problems and exploring what’s going well in life.
This is not a new concept. The ancient Chinese philosophy of Daoism recognizes the importance of balance between “dark” and “light” forces in the world. In fact, according to Daoist thought, harmony depends on these complementary opposites.
Research supports the idea that we should take a balanced, holistic approach to our emotional health. Experiencing a wider variety of both positive and negative emotions is associated with lower levels of depression, fewer doctor visits, and shorter hospital stays. In contrast, if we avoid or devalue negative feelings, well-being decreases.
Reflecting on negative life experiences, rather than just noting them, can offer surprising health benefits. Writing about stressful events improves longer-term physical and psychological functioning. These effects include a stronger immune system, lower blood pressure, fewer days spent in the hospital, less depression, improved memory, and reduced absenteeism at work.
The insight aspect seems especially important. As the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh eloquently put it, “Your suffering is compost that gives you the understanding to nourish your happiness and the happiness of others.”
Mindfulness can deepen that insight, and is an important part of many positive psychology interventions. The practice of mindfulness involves bringing compassion, acceptance, and understanding to whatever arises in our awareness—the good and the not-so-good, the pleasant and unpleasant. When we are mindful, we observe our stress and problems with gentleness and curiosity rather than resistance. We can gain knowledge critical for further growth with questions like, “What can I learn from this?” and “Where in my life am I affected by this problem the most?”
In a mindfulness class, students in PCOM's Master of Applied Positive Psychology program work on bringing this “compassionate observer self” toward their own life experiences, a first step in learning how to help others attain that attitudinal stance. Later, when MAPP students facilitate the positive psychology-based program A Happier You, they remind participants that bringing this open, nonjudgmental spirit to life’s down moments is one of the essential ways they can honor being human.
By practicing acceptance and knowing that Happier You doesn’t force positivity on anyone, participants have reported that they can reach their “pivot points” more quickly. At these points, they become ready and willing to shift their attention toward something that invites a specific positive meaning or feeling—such as talking about something they feel grateful for, or a personal strength.
The MAPP student facilitators create an empathic space, one that balances validation of difficulty, if participants share it, with the active cultivation of positive feelings through positive psychology practices. Activities include identifying gratitude sources, recalling a moment of playfulness, and giving a recent example of an accomplishment.
As psychologist Ashley Humphrey suggests based on findings from his team’s research, prioritizing actions that lead to happiness does not require avoiding negative emotional states like anxiety and depression. By acknowledging and validating the broader landscape of our emotions, practicing mindfulness and acceptance, and engaging in positive activities when ready, we can create a pressure-free approach to life’s daily stressors, one that honors where we are in any given moment.
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